please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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