Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
