So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
