Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
