do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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