My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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