Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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