He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
