Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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