Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Your cock deserves a montage
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
