please come you make the beer taste better
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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