I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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