I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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