Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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