It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Send help, water and tortillas.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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