I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
