if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
