My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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