he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So vagazzling was a success
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
