Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
