I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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