My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize