Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
