I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
