why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
