Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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