Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
