I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
