So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
