Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
