Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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