he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
