You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
