he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
