Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
