Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
