On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
