yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I wonβt know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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