I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
