I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This show inspires me to have sex in space
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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