I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
