And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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