I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
