I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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