We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
