dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
