So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
