Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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