i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
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