Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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