sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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