i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
