someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
