would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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