Yo dont text me then not text me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize