i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I need a beard to bite.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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