a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
