I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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