Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
MIDGETS
????
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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