just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My bed smells like the plague
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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