Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
